What it means to be held

I really am not a scrooge. I tell myself this in kind of a convincing way. I admit that I get a little overwhelmed at the thought of buying gifts and all the things necessary for a "successful" Christmas. Our anniversary is the 22nd of December...which I love! We had a fantastic day and evening to ourselves...thank you mom! But this weekend has set a little different tone of Christmas for me. The presents are still here...the food is prepared...I am wearing my official "Christmas Eve" pajamas as I am writing. My kids are sleeping and my husband (aka Santa) is putting together a train set for the boys. So here is where it gets a little off track...Saturday morning a friend of mine called to tell me that her aunt, who had been diagnosed with cancer only 2 weeks ago, passed away unexpectedly that morning. It was difficult to hear her raw emotion, and I truly hurt for her. This morning another friend called to tell me her grandma was found unconscious and they were spending their Christmas Eve at the hospital....waiting. Tomorrow, Christmas Day, is the same day years ago that my own grandpa lost his battle with lung cancer and my mom and I made an impromptu Christmas flight to Ohio. With all that said, yesterday at church a song was sang that I had never heard. I see it's pretty popular now that I have officially "googled" it, but it was new to me. It is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. It's a raw song about hurt, loss and devastation. Here are the lyrics to the chorus that is so touching to me through this past weekend...

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We’d be held

The song is a reality check that horrible, devastating things can and probably will happen to us...even to those who "have died to live" as the song says. Our promises aren't that nothing will fall...only that He will be there to hold us when it does. Losing the ones I love is the biggest fear that I have. I refuse to even play out those "what if" emotions in my head, but I am comforted knowing that in all things I will be held. So this Christmas, I am praying for and hurting for my friends that I dearly love. I am also remembering how much I miss my Grandpa...I miss being called his "little pill" and how he and Grandma would come to our house every October and he would spend all day fixing up every broken lawn chair in our backyard. I miss feeling how spikey his hair was against my little hands and feeling so proud to be his "Roseann Rosanna-danna". But above all these things, I am spending this Christmas being "held" in His arms.

This is me and my grandpa about 24 years ago!